The Secret Magazine
by Fabricatinqstars
Summary: All of the smashers decide to prepare themselves for yet another cruise trip while a certain Radiant Hero decides to head towards the kitchen to eat himself what was supposed to be another meal; He stumbles upon one of his mercenary friends, Snake, finding him in a bit of a commotion about a certain magazine. Mentions of other characters that do not belong to me. Hinted pairings.


It was a day like any other blazing hot day at the Smash Mansion, except today was one of those days where everybody were supposed to take the day off to pack their luggage before the cruise ship came. Master Hand planned a big vacation after months of devotion to fighting and match offs. They all planned to leave sometime tomorrow, and the majority of the men were finished- not really overpacking like the women usually do when leaving for vacation. Of course, all of them were ready to leave, growing impatient every minute of the day to every hour while the girls run in frantic, arguing about what's important and what's not important. The children were the least stressed of them all, running around in the halls and some were playing a violent version of water- whoever gets tagged has to battle with the person who tagged them. It was past noon, and everybody already finished eating their lunch, however, the legendary blue-flamed hero just _had _to make his way back to the secondary kitchen, where leftovers were stored. Ike was a hungry mercenary, and a small meal would not do for him. Casually walking in a calm, relaxed manner, he was expecting to be the only smasher in the kitchen and turns out he was wrong- another fellow mercenary, who went by the name of Snake, was also present and seemed to be chowing down on some kind of meat, while rummaging through anything he could find in his path. Taken aback to see his friend scavenging through the property in such a hurry, Ike was starting to question what he could possibly be in a hurry for if the cruise was to leave next morning. It was just food?

Without examining the area much longer, Ike decided to speak up in an attempt to save his own friend from whatever the hell he was really doing. A small smirk escaped his lips, with the furrowing of his left brow out of sheer amusement and curiosity, the man finally spoke.

"..And what is this about? Didn't really expect to see you here… or anywhere outside your box for that matter." Solid Snake, jumping out of his own skin, just about hit his head under the cabinet at the alarming sound of Ike's iconic, calming and yet mocking voice.

"Man.. what the fuck Ike? You gotta stop doing that…" Snake, grunting in slight irritation, only laughed in response to his own reaction. He couldn't stay mad for too long, anyway. It was Ike.

Shaking his head, the mercenary let out a sigh as he hesitantly walked towards the other struggling mercenary. It was quite embarrassing…. A shameful, silly sight in the slightest. Thankfully it was just those two, otherwise, Snake would have been the laughingstock of the night. Lending out a hand, the shorter, brown-haired male took a notion, and grabbed his pal's hand to pull himself up and from under the weird position beneath the cabinet.

"I appreciate it, my guy. It was starting to get a little hot in there" He chuckled, with a small smile forming upon his lips in an attempt to brush off what Ike had seen there.

"Sure, as long as it doesn't happen again… we're cool" A small smile mimicked that of Snake's, and both of them nodded in agreement. All of that aside, Ike suddenly remembered to ask him what was all the commotion about, and the cynical warrior only tried to wave it off with an "oh it's nothing" phrases.

Sure. It's nothing… and Ike was born yesterday apparently.

"You're only making it worse for yourself, David, so keep it short" Ike bluntly put, only to cause a heap of sweats to stroll down Snake's back.

"Alright alright… listen. I was just uh… you know.. reading.." Stumbling upon his own words, Snake knew he was about to be caught in the act real soon. The choice of whether to lie or not would be the end of him either way.

"..Reading what? David _**reads**_? Wow. A shocker" Ike was only teasing him at this point, unaware of what his mocking was really doing to him.

"Y-yeah you know.. Guns and shit- alright look man let's just cut the crap... Help a guy out. I lost… my magazine... so... If you could help me find it, that would be fucking great"

"Ok… and I'm assuming it's somewhere in this area, given that you know… you're making this place look like a shit hole. What's so important about the magazine anyways? Can't you just learn more knowledge about guns with one of the smashers?" Ike was starting to doubt the facade his friend was putting on.

"No.. no no it's not like that. I just need it alright" Sheesh, Ike was really… something else. A part of Snake felt like he was catching onto his garbage.

Without pondering too much, Ike just decided to wave it off but it was certainly in the back of his mind. Getting a description of the magazine, the outline of the treasure was apparently hot pink and the cover was black. The title on the cover was outlined with a metallic shade of greyish white, with black words for the interior. The two men searched for the book, and more so Snake, who seemed to be hiding something, and then it came across the stern, blue eyes of that none other than Ike. Hiding behind one of Peach's toaster's was apparently a rather suggestive magazine, and then it clicked in Ike's mind. What kind of magazine about guns would have a hot pink outline? The radiant hero didn't say a single word when he laid eyes upon the prized possession, and he suspected it as much. A pornographic magazine titled _Nintendo's Top 100 Sexiest Women_ _in Gaming_

"Have you found it yet?" Snake groaned, growing impatient and guilty.

"...Nope, but I found this…" Assertive blue hues scan the magazine with slight disappointment, and yet, somehow he was even more amused by this act of foolishness.

"What-?" Hurriedly responding back, his worst fear came to reality.

"..Nothing. I'm sure you wouldn't want to read it anyways" One of Ike's famous, assholic grins played with the other mercenary's mind. _Shit_. Now normally, during a battle, he would be pissed at one of his comrades for talking about such during the most inappropriate times, but this? Golden.

"What? Ike please…" Rushing over, almost tripping over his own two feet

"Fuck-"

"Guilty as charged…So it is yours. Disappointed, but not surprised" Cold, cobalt hues glazed over the table of contents. Searching and searching… women in here from all different kinds of series, some even he recognized to be from Mario, Kid Icarus, Fire Emblem, Legend of Zelda...and Metroid.

"..Samus Aran…- You've _got_ to be fucking kidding me."

"Ike I can explain-"

"Please do. Enlighten me… as if you haven't already" Ike wasn't even surprised, and while he wasn't as dumb as to have a graphic magazine of women laying around for the kids or the women to get ahold of, he could even say himself… Samus was really attractive. He would never admit it though. What appalled him most though was… well, it wasn't surprising at all. He's just glad he didn't see his own sister, Mist, in the damn book. However… he figured some of these women from Legend of Zelda, like Midna, were familiar with Link. _All except Princess Zelda_… he knew she wouldn't be caught dead in a magazine like that. Peach and Pauline were there though, or whoever the latter was.

"You're not going to tell Samus, are you? She's going to kill me…"

"Nope, but that's because I'll probably kill you first"

"Damnit Ike, don't do this now. Just hand me the book and we can all be happy.. Trust me, it's nothing like that" Reaching his hand over to grab ahold of the magazine, he failed, as Ike snatched the magazine to hide it away and out of Snake's reach.

"Uh huh"

"Do you want to take a peak or not? I don't have all damn day"

"..."

"..What? Oh so now the Radiant Hero falls silent? Look at how the tables have turned"

"Shut up. I didn't say I wanted to look…"

"You didn't say you _didn't _want to look either" Maliciously grinning, Snake chuckled silently, shaking his head and laughing at the situation in general. _The bastard._

"Whatever...Have your damn book, but you won't catch me reading it" Throwing it back at Snake, the shorter male caught it with ease, only to hold onto it like a lost treasure box recently found with a pile of gold inside.

"Right… you sure about that buddy? I mean… I won't judge you. We could all use a vacation these days. Some call the cruise a vacation… I call this book a vacation. You should try it sometime" With Snake's suggestion, Ike didn't want to focus on it too much. It was disgusting… he wouldn't feel right doing such a thing, especially since he'd only read the magazine for one reason only. _Damn it_. He was really starting to wonder though. What was in it? What did she look like? What was she wearing? It began to bother him, and he only wished to never lay his eyes upon the blasted book. He had never been this curious about a woman before his entire life, but it was something about the Space Galactic Warrior that was capable of turning even his head around. He can't really blame Snake, knowing he had a thing for her too, but this… this was something he couldn't bring himself to do.

"I'll pass"... It was a hard pass, but he had to say no.

"Suit yourself then, but between you and me… this conversation is to stay in this room"

"No shit, but I wouldn't be the one getting my ass kicked now would I?" Ike smirked

"I'll catch you in the act someday, then who's going to be the last one laughing?" A crooked smile chirped at the corner of Snake's lips as he tipped his head and winked, hoping Ike got his notion.

He did all right, and all he could do was laugh.

Thankfully, nobody would be getting their ass kicked today by the wild blonde, but tomorrow? Debatable, especially since a certain somebody seemed to have been lurking around the conversation anyways.


End file.
